


Wanting Something the Heart Cannot Have

by gottawriteanegoortwo



Series: Dilliam [3]
Category: Who Killed Markiplier? (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Heartache, M/M, Unrequited Love, nothing overly sad but you do feel sorry for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gottawriteanegoortwo/pseuds/gottawriteanegoortwo
Summary: Two short individual pieces focused on yearning for a love that is thought to be impossible. The first is from Damien's POV, the second is from William's.
Relationships: Damien | The Mayor/Wilford Warfstache | William J. Barnum | The Colonel
Series: Dilliam [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869208
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. Longing

Damien couldn’t help the glances he threw if he tried.

How could he? William was just so _handsome._ The way he held himself straighter and bolder than any oak tree when talking to others. The way a smile would creep out under that bushy moustache yet it was just enough to know his mood. The way he could stun a room into silence with his booming voice and then turn to apologise to someone in a whisper in the same breath. But they weren’t what caught Damien’s attention.

No… It was William’s eyes.

Those chocolate eyes, emphasised by large, round glasses. Ones that would shine with mischief an instant before Mark tripped over shoelaces that were tied together. Ones that would stare intently at him when questioning the Mayor about a cold he had caught and the strain he was putting himself under. Ones that Damien wished he could lose himself in.

What would it be like to have those eyes look at him like Damien was the most precious thing in all the world? To see the adoration in his eyes as William whispered words of affection to him. The nervousness reflected clear as day as hands slowly intertwine.

But Damien was no fool.

The ladies were drawn to him. Who could blame them? He might not be the wealthiest, but William always had a way to survive. He could build things. He had a reputation in the army. And, Damien surmised, he could be a wonderful husband to a lucky lady and a fantastic father.

It was something Damien had accepted long ago. Whatever romantic happy ending the Colonel would have, it would never be with him. And why would Damien risk it anyway? If he bottled it up and pretended his longing for the other never existed, they could remain friends. That, after all, was better than nothing.


	2. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you have feelings for two siblings that you cannot have? Frustration builds up, and that's where William finds himself.

As much as William loved two of his oldest friends, he hated them at the same time.

After returning from the war and spending time in recovery, William began working for Mark in the Manor. He knew what he was getting into. He was stuck in a position yearning for Celine, the one woman he could never have. What he didn’t expect was those feelings to bubble up for her twin brother Damien.

They hadn’t been there before the war. At least, he didn’t think they were. Maybe he was so fixated on one, he didn’t notice the same bells ringing for the other. But right now, the four friends were lounging around Mark’s formal living room. The other three were talking about books, but it was a topic that wasn’t much interest to William. Instead, his eyes were glued to the young Mayor.

It was a Sunday, and yet he was impeccably dressed in a ribbed sweater vest. The tie that had been worn had been removed to undo the top button. The hair was mostly combed back; but without the oil to keep the hair perfectly in place, some strands were beginning to fall loose and frame one side of his face neatly.

The thought popped into the soldier’s mind to go over, brush the hair back into place, and see if those lips were as soft as they looked.

But why should he do that? Damien had told them before about refusing help ‘finding a lady’ because of his work. Not only that, a same-sex relationship would ruin Damien’s reputation as Mayor! He shouldn’t be considering the matter of love at all!

There was humour in knowing this was his fate. The sister was already married, the brother was forbidden through societal expectations. William was forced to admire both from afar, but right now… He wanted Damien. He wanted Damien so badly, and he knew it wasn’t mutual. Damien gave everyone the same time of day, his full attention in conversations, and had to politely refuse several people who had also fallen for his charms. 

While the married couple bickered over whether a character in the book they had been discussing was “a misguided hero” or “a heartless monster”, Damien quietly rose to his feet to the bookshelf in the corner of the room. After a moment of deliberation, he chose the book he wanted, and tried to balance on his toes to reach the top shelf. 

Before he could register what he was doing and stop himself, William had hopped onto his feet and took advantage of his taller height to reach the book with ease.

“Thank you, Colonel.” Three words, plus one smile, equalled a soldier that realised how utterly love-struck he was. Once more, the need to take Damien’s hand, or brush back his hair, or _something_ more than merely handing him a book was almost unbearable.

“You’re welcome. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the book about?” A little snippet of small talk might help ease the yearning.

“Oh! Well, it’s actually a gothic novel that was rather popular in England. It tells the story of a -”

“ **PRIVATE!** Unless you want dinner to be a stain on the floor you better get your butt in here and help fix my stove!”

The bark of the Chef startled all four friends, three of whom turned their attention to William briefly. He glanced in the direction of the kitchen and sighed. The one time he dared do something about these feelings, fate intervenes.

“Right, I’ll be there.” The response was half-hearted, but he turned back to the others with a smile. “Don’t tear this place apart while I’m gone, eh?” Before anyone could reply, he made a hasty departure to the kitchen.

Mark and Celine returned to their debate on a novel. No one saw the frustration that appeared for an instant on Damien’s face once all eyes were off him. For a moment, William’s attention was solely on him like he was the only person in the world.

As he made his way to an armchair, Damien hoped that one day, they would have a chance to try and have some sort of relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [gottawriteanegoortwo](https://gottawriteanegoortwo.tumblr.com/post/188369829532/frustration-dilliam) and backdated to match that. I'm currently trying to figure this site out and resist the urge to edit my older work while uploading it.
> 
> [Beautiful fan art](https://gottawriteanegoortwo.tumblr.com/post/188699101072/thank-you-colonel-and-thank-you-ash) was created inspired by this, so check it out!

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [gottawriteanegoortwo](https://gottawriteanegoortwo.tumblr.com/post/185117563107/longing-dilliam) and backdated to match that. I'm currently trying to figure this site out and resist the urge to edit my older work while uploading it.


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